The best online poker games that look like real tables

TOP FRANCE

👉 How I accidentally became a Midnight Poker Zombie (Bonus: My first real win story)

Okay, classic: the lockdown hit, life stopped, bars closed, even my grandmother started making banana bread. I had finished Netflix. Twice.

That's when the poker ads started following me around Facebook like lost ducks. "Try online poker!" Yes, that's right. I was expecting weird people or maybe bots and probably a virus.

But I signed up anyway because... well, I was bored.

Played a tournament on Winamax (yes, still my fav for Frenchies, sorry not sponsored, just really like their bizarre hipster graphics). I deposited 15 EUR, tried not to cry, and looked at the loading chip. The table opens.

My hand 7 and 2. That's crap.

I lay down. The next hand went down again. Third, fourth, fold, fold.

Was I playing or making origami There wasn't much difference.

And then, miraculously, I had aces in my pockets.

My hands sweat enough to short-circuit Baguette's router. I bet small, someone raises, I go all-in. They call with kings.

I feel like I'm 900 years old in 3 seconds. But the river was clean, I won the hand and a few others. I made it to the final table.

Not first place, but third. I won 58 EUR (net: 43 EUR, but I call that a win. Champagne for Baguette, frozen croquettes for me).

But man, when that digital confetti explodes, you feel like Les Champs-Élysées in July '98. Only I was wearing dirty sweatpants.

👉 What really matters if you want online poker to feel "real

Let's be honest, most online poker games are as authentic as French reality TV. But a few games and sites make you feel like you're in a smoky café in Lyon, without the old man muttering "Straight flush... never had that, me".

Here's my impossible checklist for "reality" (with side notes for you my friends):

• BonusForget the "up to 500 EUR free" ads. Most of this money is hidden behind conditions that even my taxman doesn't understand. Good gambling sites (like PokerStars and Winamax) at least give you small bonus tickets - Spin&Go tournament tickets, free bets. There's nothing nicer at midnight than playing a free reel and having a bit of luck.
• Table sensation If I can't see my stack moving, or if the cards arrive too quickly, I'm out. Animation is important! Can you slide the chips Do the colors of the cards shine on the flop Table avatars you can slap Winamax has this fun "table emote" thing where a dog throws you a fish when you lose. Very good.
• Play tempo Nothing kills a session faster than slow servers. The French Internet is bad enough (I live in Lyon, fiber is a fiction), but some poker games feature the "live table" at the speed of molasses... Next! I love the turbo-speed games, like the Fast-fold Zoom on PokerStars, or the "Go Fast" tables on PartyPoker. You fold and move on to the next hand, no time to regret.
• Symbols and sounds My pet peeve: when they use ugly fonts for the card colors - gee, is that a spade, or is it just a chip I like clean, classic symbols (♥ ♦ ♣ ♠), crisp flop animations, maybe a chip noise that makes my cat nervous. Wild cards Ehh, not for Texas Hold'em purists, but sometimes fun in zany tournaments. Jackpots I've only hit one small jackpot in my life and my phone crashed before I could take a screenshot. Classic.
• Community and chat You need a table cat. You haven't lived until you've been called "a fish" by a certain "NarutoK97fr". On partypoker and Unibet, the cat gets spicy. Don't bother going to the French version of GGPoker, it's sterile as a dentist.

👉 My best online poker games for a "real table" atmosphere

I've tried all the big sites - even a few dodgy apps I found on page 3 of Google (do NOT do this, I learned the hard way, lost 30 euros and got an ad for a moustache razor for three months). Here are the three sites and their best "real" modes.

As an anecdote, I once played Expresso at 3 a.m., with perhaps one too many Ricards, and found myself one-on-one with a German who had a David Hasselhoff avatar. I lost with a full house against a straight flush.

It was haunting. Still, the animation was better than Netflix's.

What's more, there's something wild about seeing towers of chips collapse on screen.

Some people love casino-style poker with wild symbols and jackpots, like Joker Poker. Not my favorite (too much like Lidl scratch cards), but to each his own. For a laugh, try them when you're bored with Hold'em, but don't expect to learn much about Sunday showdown strategy.

👉 A brief reflection on superstitions and the French Internet

Okay, if you're really living the online poker life, develop a superstition. Me If Baguette (the cat) sleeps perpendicular to the LAN cable, I always win three extra hands.

If the neighbor starts doing karaoke, I'm out of here within 5 minutes. I refuse to play without a packet of "LU Petit Beurre" nearby. I also burn sage before every final table - I don't know why, but everyone needs a ritual.

And yes, the French Internet is slow.

Especially at 2 a.m., when everyone is streaming Koh-Lanta and my neighbor is Googling conspiracy. Sometimes my table freezes and I'm sure I've just flopped a straight, but when the connection comes back it turns out I've missed my action and the pot is gone.

Online poker in Lyon: a daily challenge.

Fun fact: real casinos spray fake perfume to mask the smell of cigarettes. Online poker?

Instead, you get ads for suspicious cryptocurrency casinos. At least you won't lose your shirt and jacket.

👉 Strategy "How to win"... (or "What I try to do but usually fail to do")

Take a look. Winning at online poker is like trying to cross Rue de la République during the sales - dodgy, random, sweaty. But here's what gives me half a chance, and maybe you too:

• Don't play drunk (or at least keep your glass ten feet away). I once laid down on aces because I thought I saw a ghost.
• Watch your position. An early siege is painful - play tight, don't go wild with a Dame-rag, unless you're feeling very French.
• Read the table diagrams.
• Does everyone limp-check Bet more.
• Does anyone raise with stupid hands Wait for your moment, then BAM.
• Don't chase blind draws. The "oh maybe I'll hit the fifth club" curse cost me 100 EUR for life.
• Bonus = opportunity for chaos. Use the tickets, but don't expect to win a lot of money. Most of the time, you'll win 2 EUR.
• It's better than nothing, and if you earn more, treat yourself to a kebab.
• Bluff less online. Many players will call you with anything, even an inferior pair. Save your magic for the live coffee tables where you can really make a splash.

And for the symbols: if you get all four colors in your hand, you're playing Omaha by accident.